I have officially started my journey as a bride. Today, I made my first appointment with a salon to come in and try on dresses. Although, when they asked me if I was the bride, I had to stop and think about it first. Somehow, “bride” just doesn’t seem to be a descriptor that I identify with yet. “Fiancée” is still taking some time and hasn’t completely sunk in all the way, in spite of all the general cute, lovely feelings floating around these days. But “bride”? I’ll just stick a pin in that for now. For one, I’m not 100% committed to the concept of a long, flowy white dress. I’d say I’m about 85% there, but I still have this sizable gap, this nagging idea in my brain that comes and goes and comes back again. I’ve jokingly brought it up with my mom, only to be shot down as crazy. I brought it up with Nicholas once to similar results, although on a more recent occasion, he informed me that he just might be ok with it. That crazy thought? A blue wedding dress.
(Follow the jump to read about my blue dress blues)
Lord knows there are many ways in which this can go wrong. There are certainly some horrendous blue dresses out there (case in point) that one can only assume were created to make whatever sad sack bride who wears them look like an engorged Smurf. And then there are some blue dresses that are…sigh…like a dream. The brides who wear them are, without a doubt, impossibly awesome. I have such admiration for any of those fabulous women who can rock these gorgeous gowns. There’s a certain amount of confidence that has to go with that decision. You have to know yourself well enough to be able to say, “No, I don’t want to wear a traditional white dress. I want something different and I’m not looking back.”
I’m not sure I’m quite to that level of confidence just yet. Is my obsession with having a blue wedding dress similar to my one-day obsession with a destination wedding on Vancouver Island? Is having a blue engagement ring and a blue wedding dress just too much? With my ring, it took a little while to decide that I didn’t want a diamond. The tipping point was actually seeing how much personality and beauty a non-diamond ring can have when compared to its traditional counterpart. That, and Nick made me watch “Blood Diamond” one too many times. But I love my ring and I feel like it’s a perfect little bit of me.
Oh, but that dress. That ever-elusive siren that keeps appearing to me in various manifestations, never settling on one form. First its lace, then its beading, then its embroidery, then its appliques. Then long sleeve, short sleeve, high collar, deep v-neck, no veil, yes veil, blue, ivory, off-white, etc., etc., etc. The image in my head is still too foggy to be able to decipher. All I can see is faces. I have no idea what anyone is wearing.
Perhaps come clarity will come when I actually get around to trying on dresses. I may fall in love with the image of myself in a long, white dress. Or I may get the absolution I’m currently lacking and decide once and for all that I’m a blue wedding dress kind of girl, much to my mother’s chagrin and insistence that blue wedding dresses are only for old ladies or divorcees. Or Wallis Simpson. Even though I reminded her that the tradition of white wedding dresses is a relatively recent one, popularized by Queen Victoria in 1840.
Well, either way, I now have that appointment scheduled for almost two weeks from now. I’m hoping that this first dress experience opens the flood gates of lucidity and that I don’t end up wallowing in a sea of confusion. Perhaps dress shopping at the height of my Pisces birthday time may help things fall into place. Come on, Pisces. Let’s make it happen!